It’s surprisingly common to feel anxious during the Christmas season. People report higher heart rates, blood pressure, and stress, and research shows that sadly the number of deaths increase during the Christmas period, particularly on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years Day.  The holiday period can be stressful from time and work pressures (squeezing a month's worth of work into half a month, trying to fit in social engagements and shopping), attending social gatherings (meeting new and unfamiliar people), and remembering those we have lost during the period.  Add on top of that, the anxiety of gift-giving and you've got one stressful month of the year.

First, before exploring why we feel anxious about giving gifts, let's take a step back and ask why we give gifts. 

Why do we give gifts? 

Why do we do it if we dread giving gifts? Well, there are multiple psychological mechanisms of gift giving:

• A cultural thing: Since we’ve been gift-giving for thousands of years, it’s basically ingrained in us, so we feel obligated to give gifts. The tradition of gift giving goes back to ancient cultures, so we simply just carry this on. 

• Long-term satisfaction: Giving a gift is symbolises how you feel about the recipient and how you want them to feel in general. Studies have found that gifts that serve a purpose for a long time work better. The recipient will think of how this gift will be of use for the long-term. (This can cause stress and anxiety trying to find that perfect long-term gift.)

• Altruism: Social psychologists suggest that altruism is motivated by the improvement of the positive welfare of others. This principle of “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” may explain why we have positive relationships with others through gift-giving. Psychiatrist John Cacioppo states that “the more extensive the reciprocal altruism born of social connection, the greater the advance toward health, wealth and happiness.” However, reciprocal altruism doesn’t always have to be reciprocal gifts, as the positive feeling of making someone happy, can justify the act of gift giving. 

Dr Daniel Farrelly, a Senior Lecturer at the University of Worcester, explains the psychology of gift giving and how it benefits us from an evolutionary perspective, suggesting that we give gifts because it makes us feel good, but also makes us more successful in evolutionary terms. He explains that the reason why our family members are our main gift recipients is because we share a number of genes with them and supporting and promoting their wellbeing and happiness makes it more likely for them to survive and pass on these genes.

He continues to explain that as a social species, we must cooperate with one another in order to achieve greater success. We help someone because we know they will return the favour, and as a result, both will be more successful in the long run. This is why we give non-family members gifts. It’s the reciprocal altruism. Christmas presents the perfect opportunity for this as acts such as exchanging gifts work as a way to retain and strengthen relationships. 

Gift-giving anxiety 

If you have these questions running through your mind during festive seasons, and it's hugely common around this time, you may be experiencing gift-giving anxiety: 

• Will they hate it? 
• Do I have enough time to buy gifts for everyone? 
• Do they already have it? 
• Will they think I spent enough? 
• What if my children think I spent more on a sibling? 
• How will they react to my present? 
• What if they spend more on me than I do on them? 
• What if they don’t like it? 
• Will they find it funny? 

According to surveys, approximately 7 out of 10 people are stressed by a lack of "time" and "money" and research shows that gift-giving anxiety can be caused by expectations and pressure to give gifts - our own, other people's and society's. Dr Gregory Scott Brown says that when we give gifts, we're on high alert and seeking for clues that could suggest whether or not the recipient is satisfied. He continues “If we don’t get the response we expect, like a smile and an ecstatic ‘thank you’, we may feel let down. Similarly, there may be pressure by the recipient to display their satisfaction — even if it's actually a gift they don't want.” 

You can reduce your gift-giving anxiety by: 

• Making a list – with the Christmas period, we have all sorts of things in our minds, so breaking it down and writing them as a list will help you visualise them and calm you down. It will help to prioritise and put things in perspective, making you feel more organised.
• Bigger isn't always best - parents can have a tendency to want to fill a room with presents for their children, and once the presents are opened, watch their child pick one thing and discard the others. This can be a source of frustration and when planning gifts, ask yourself "who am I getting this present for?" "Is it really for the child?"
• Time over money – if you're on a low budget and have a long list of recipients, make them something....such as a photo album, a painting, or a jar of home-made chutney. There are hundreds of home-made gift ideas you can find online on sites like Pinterest.
• Get to know them – be observant, see what they like, or just them ask straight up what they’d like for Christmas. Giving something you know they’ll like will give you reassurance that the recipient will be satisfied by your gift. 
• It’s the thought that counts – if you're giving a loved one a gift, they will be appreciative no matter what you give them, and probably take more delight in giving their gift to you. 
• Reduce your competitiveness – try not to compete with other people’s gift or your previous gift. 
• Don’t expect the worse reaction – predicting reactions will only cause you more anxiety.  Similarly, don't overthink their reaction - if they say thank you and they like it, be happy and don't try to convince yourself otherwise.

For more information please see: 

Farrelly, D. (2018). The Psychology of Giving Gifts. Worcester; University of Worcester. https://www.worcester.ac.uk/about/news/academic-blog/the-psychology-of-giving-gifts.aspx 

Fehr, E., & Fischbacher, U. (2003). The nature of human altruism. Nature, 425(6960), 785–791. https://doi.org/10.1038/nature02043 

Hypnotherapy Blog. (2019, December 11). Do You Suffer From Gift-Giving Anxiety? Hypnosis in London. https://www.hypnosis-in-london.com/do-you-suffer-from-gift-giving-anxiety/ 

Le Cunff, A. L. (n.d.). The psychology of gift giving. Ness Labs. https://nesslabs.com/psychology-gift-giving 

Phillips, D. P., Jarvinen, J. R., Abramson, I. S., & Phillips, R. R. (2004). Cardiac Mortality Is Higher Around Christmas and New Year’s Than at Any Other Time. Circulation, 110(25), 3781–3788. https://doi.org/10.1161/01.cir.0000151424.02045.f7 

Phillips, D., Barker, G. E., & Brewer, K. M. (2010). Christmas and New Year as risk factors for death. Social Science & Medicine, 71(8), 1463–1471. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2010.07.024 

Reilly, K. (2021, November 5). Do you get anxious over gift giving — or receiving? You’re not alone, says expert. Here’s why. Yahoo. https://uk.news.yahoo.com/gift-giving-receiving-anxiety-120030545.html?guccounter=1 

Sharp, C., & Randhawa, G. (2014). Altruism, gift giving and reciprocity in organ donation: A review of cultural perspectives and challenges of the concepts. Transplantation Reviews, 28(4), 163–168. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.trre.2014.05.001